Arathi Highlander

A Story About Leather that is not Kinky

2008-11-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

Some years ago, I needed a new wallet. My old wallet had fit perfectly. It was thin, with only two pockets to hold my license, credit card, and metro card. It had a subtle clip to secure what little cash I keep on hand. Sadly, the leather on the clip had worn through and the protruding metal was tearing holes in my pants' pockets.

No store sold a precise replica of my ideal wallet, so I bought new pants instead.

Fast forward to a Saturday afternoon walking through SoHo where I stumble across a leather boutique. This looked to be the sort of store that sold foolishly expensive handbags my sister would love, but eyeing a window display of leather wallets and fingering the growing hole in my back right pocket, I stepped inside. I placed my worn out wallet on the counter and said, "I want to buy this but not broken."

At this point, the leather vendor cringed. After regaining his composure, he brought two wallets identical to my own to his counter, one brown and one black. "These are like your wallet, but better," he said.

"Of course," I replied, "because these ones aren't broken."

"No, no, that is not why." Taking a full minute, the leather vendor described the perfection of these wallets, closing with, "For a long time I couldn't even sell wallets because no one made them right."

I didn't care at the time. A wallet only needs to hold money and not have excess pockets for things I don't carry, so I bought the black one. Years later, my wallet is still in perfect condition and I realize it is a spectacular, invincible, truly fine little wallet.

The vendor could have sold me a lower quality wallet. He could have sold me a lower quality wallet at a higher price, but he didn't. He wouldn't even allow a lower quality wallet into his store. He cringed--was visibly emotionally affected--at the presence of my broken, imperfect wallet.

----

I've flown every major airline. Except for JetBlue, I've sworn to never again use each of them. But JetBlue doesn't fly everywhere, so I'm often stuck using American or United despite the poor service I've come to expect.

We face this problem in MMOs. CCP and Mythic don't fly to Azeroth. An MMO, like any social network, has an inherent lock-in quality. MySpace never has to improve because it already has the users. Right now, Activision-Blizzard is acting like MySpace, but I want them to act like the leather vendor in SoHo. I want them to be sad about yesterday's extended maintenance the same way our leather vendor was sad about my broken wallet, not because 11 million customers were annoyed but because somewhere in the world a nerdy guy's cartoon bear didn't get to tank Zul'Farrak on Veteran's Day.

This is an immensely high standard, but as a customer I am entitled to place my expectations wherever I choose. Where do you place the bar?

Like many Warcraft bloggers, I have a programming background and have spent time in both IT and web services. I'm not sure where the Activision-Blizzard sympathizers are employeed, but even in my extremely lenient industries, less than 99% uptime was not acceptable. Ten hours of unexpected downtime would cause heads to roll.

In a perfect week, World of Warcraft's scheduled maintenance periods and rolling restarts drop it below 95% uptime. Various industries like finance, healthcare, and the military use networked mission critical services with a 99.999% reliability standard. Could Activision-Blizzard be more reliable? If so, should we expect them to?

Years ago, WoW became popular by doing the same things as other MMOs but doing them better. WoW still does the same things as other MMOs. Does it still do them better?

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I'm thinking of naming my wallet Sonny.

Opinion: They Have us by the Balls

2008-11-11T20:12:00.001-08:00

Question: Why are drug-dealers assholes?
Answer: Because they can be.

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I love WoW. I dreamt last night of waking up today and having Khiv's bear tank Zul'Farrak.

It didn't happen. Instead I've installed Windows and Warhammer Online and have begun playing my new game.

My two monthly subscriptions have been cancelled. It's extremely likely that I'll resume WoW in the future, but for now I'm offended, personally hurt, at the level of service Activision-Blizzard has provided me over the past month.

Is this QQ? Yes. But it's not about money. It's not even about time. Ask yourself, at what point does the technical quality of Warcraft become so poor that you stop playing? World of Warcraft could be completely free and at this point I still would not tolerate the level of service we've experienced over the past month.

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Also, it's humorous to see the wide variety of extremely specific reasons you can give to cancel a subscription on the account manager's "Why are you canceling?" page.

Opinion: I'm Walking to GameStop to Buy Warhammer

2008-11-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

I get to play this game like 5 hours a week. I have off today for Veteran's Day and the servers are still down indefinitely after maintenance, as is the entire WoW web site.

This has happened almost half the times I've had an opportunity to play in the last few weeks, and it's monster fucking bullshit.

Fuck this.

My prediction for Wrath is that it will be unplayable. Don't get too excited, people, you'll just be trying to log in to a busted video game.

I'm leaving to buy Warhammer right now. Seriously. And stupid ass Windows to play it on. It's not that I hate WoW, but it's my day off and I want to play a video game, so I'll do what I must.

Horde Reroll: We Solo'd Uldaman

2008-11-11T10:22:00.001-08:00

Follow the RP-PvP leveling adventures of Wonzy and Khiv, a priest/hunter duo.

We have a healer. We have a tank. We thought, "We're five levels above Uldaman bosses. They'll still yield experience without hurting us and Khiv needs better gear, so let's burn them down." So we tried.

Our Hunter Pet Tanking Spec

We worried our pet wouldn't have enough focus to maintain aggro, so Khiv respecced: 12 points into Marksmanship for 2/2 Go for the Throat and put his remaining points in the Beast Mastery tree just up to Bestial Discipline, taking the obvious pet talents along the way.

Khiv went to Feralas, tamed a Gorilla, and specced him into Blood of the Rhino as a healer-helper. Wonzy Recruit-A-Friend summoned him to the Badlands so he could pick up the flight point (viciously convenient).

Our First Dungeon Solo

We had a wipe-fest at first. Khivi stayed in Aspect of the Viper and never ran out of mana, Volleying his heart out, but we didn't have the burst damage to deal with runners. Wonzy could've healed the entire instance at once, but sometimes he'd lose line of sight and we'd forget Khiv was the foreground window (for Volley) and spam Greater Heal on the wrong target until the Gorilla died.

We did this until we were forced to repair, but once we got the hang of it we breezed through the entire instance, only stopping before the last boss because we didn't have enough players to summon him.

Pre-BC Itemization: WTF?

Some folks QQ about generic classes, but loot tokens are a good idea and Blizzard has come a long way from Vanilla loot. Revelosh drops rare items with a random enchant, which means you could end up with +strength on cloth gloves. Check out the Flameseer Mantle, shoulders than could only conceivably benefit Fire mages and just the right kind of poorly specced warlock before the spellpower changes in Wrath.

We Didn't Solo Zul'Farrak

We tried Zul'Farrak after. We cleared trash carefully but successfully. Khiv and the gorilla would stand way back and Wonzy would pull with his wand and run back for the gorilla to pick up the mobs. This way the inevitable runners didn't aggro more groups, which we couldn't handle at our (now appropriate) level. We made it to the Witch Doctor but he was bugged. We went to Antu'sul but aggro'd him and died while not paying attention (cookies!!!) and by then the entire instance had respawned. Weak.

We're going back with Sonny (the bear) right after this blog. Sonny is more of a progression tank, while the gorilla is nice for farm content.

We Only Recommend this for Fun

Our XP per hour was dismal. Elites have too many hit points for efficient killing, and if you aren't completing quests then dungeons at this pace don't offer much. If you *are* completing quests, and can pull it off, welcome to XP City, population: you.

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In other news, I've finally fixed my third world country internet connection. It's go time!

And we still didn't do screen shots )-: C'mon, Highlander!!!

Horde Reroll: Introducing Sonny the Druid

2008-11-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

Follow the RP-PvP leveling adventures of Wonzy and his friends!

Question: What is the Highlander's favorite class of all time?

Answer: The Druid. The Druid, except for its lack of gnomeosity, is the ultimate in hybrid goodness. No tank has more style ("with my FACE!"), no healer has more silly, and no DPS has more underdog appeal.

But I've never loved a druid. THRICE I have rolled a magic bear and THRICE have I become bored before level 10.

And then Khiv tamed Sonny the Bear in Silverpine Forest. And he stuck. Do you remember the first time a toon *stuck* with you. It happened with this bear. And by bear I mean druid. I have decided that Sonny is a tamed druid who never leaves bear form and he is my favorite part of Team Wonzai, the Discipline Priest and Beast Mastery Hunter combo I call my main. Sonny has a swipe and a charge, the favored abilities of two of my most-loved unplayed classes. Like dual-boxing, he somewhat sates my gnawing hunger to experience every every every aspect of this game.

And he's cute. I'm gonna learn to make screenshots a habit. I'm really liking how other bloggers use screenshots. I'm'na shove bear pictures down your throat!

By the way, we're finally together and we have reached level 44. We do sometimes use the first-person plural like BRK, and though we're unashamed that it was absolutely his idea first, our main reason isn't that his (their?) idea was brilliant, but because it feels natural.

We quested today with a warlock who never knew we were the same guy until we told him, hours later. I don't know if dual-boxing arena successfully is actually possible (this is reallyreally hard), but if it is then we're on the path to do it.

Oh, and mages before level 30: they suck. They suuuuuuuuuuck. Suck suck suck suck SUCK! But when they finally hit that power curve, it is time to party. Khiv carried Sonn's out-of-mana booty through his first 30 levels and then, out of nowhere BAM he became awesome, just like he should be.

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I mentioned earlier that dual-boxing is reallyreally hard. If your goal is precision and style and you also want to maintain the social aspect of the game, then I'm right. If, however, you just want to quickly level some alts via Recruit-A-Friend and aren't concerned about dual-boxing PvP or dungeons, then find some lower level quest mobs and faceroll away. This is FAST.

Horde Reroll: Dual-Boxing is Concentrated WoW

2008-11-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

Follow the RP-PvP leveling adventures of Team Wonzai, two undead gnomes and their friends.

If I began dual-boxing three weeks ago, my mind has been blown often enough that anything I might've posted lost relevance immediately. What follows is bullet points of grey matter I've scraped off of my walls. Brain frag, if you will. (Will you?)

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I've settled on two teams: a Forsaken Discipline Priest with an Orc Beast Mastery Hunter and a Forsaken Frost Mage with a Frost Death Knight who will probably be Tauren. The priest/hunter will probably be my "main."

All my toons took engineering for the jumper cable rez, grenade stuns and swift boots in battlegrounds (so pre-BC, I know), and parachute cloaks for non-Slow Fall/Levitaters. Seaforium Charges make rogues irrelevant.

Recruit-A-Friend XP accumulates too quickly to concurrently level herbalism or mining professions.

I don't fit in with the other dual-boxers. Their forums point to joy in their hardware and software solutions, while for me these things are a vehicle. I worry more about finding affection for my cartoon avatars.

To that end I took the mage and hunter fishing together, because it was obvious to me they didn't get along. The mage caught Old Crafty.

To that end, I RP my toons getting into ridiculous arguments in Orgrimmar.

To that end (the affection one), I've spent my greatest amount of mental energy lately devising the perfect name/race/class/spec schemes. The class/spec/race question is settled and the names were to be Sonn/Khiv for the priest/hunter and Wonz/Chilton for the mage/DK. BUT the hunter got a bear named Sonny that he loves, so obviously the priest can't be named Sonn. The names Wonzy, Wonz, Wonzi, Sonn, Chilton, Thompkin, Bonzy, Khivi, Khiv, Tipp, and Rhek are all reserved by me, so we'll see how it shakes out. We're probably naming a gorilla pet Thompkin and a rhino pet Bonzy.

We might start talking like BRK. It's a good idea and it feels right. We do not have shame.

Our focus is still PvP. The mage/hunter braved the waters of level 19 Warsong Gulch to make sure it's possible and did fairly well. We went 4-1 before leaving to gain more levels, though the imbalance was mostly due to the Horde twink frenzy we queued into.

One time the hunter scored nine killing blows and the mage got zero. Frostbolt sucks at level 19.

The blog will be a PvP blog again when we've become acclimated to the newness of dual-boxing. It will not become a dual-boxing blog. Sadly, we currently question our relevance with no actively played characters at the level cap.

I added features to open source software to assist my dual-boxing. It felt good to flex that muscle.

Sonny (the bear) tanked Wailing Caverns like a champ!

LFG is waaaay easier when you provide a two-toon core. "Want to heal? We're at the stone. Go go go!"

We're intimidated by the vast level of experience and knowledge pre-BC WoWers like Critical QQ and Out of Mana demonstrate. Dual-boxing sort of feels like a way to catch up.

We have less opportunity to play than ever lately, and dual-boxing helps mitigate this. Two hours /played in one hour!

Don't shop at Best Buy. Ick, I tried. Three weeks and three returns later, I went newegg.com for the win.

Do not, under any circumstances, tell people that I really really love the hunter.

Herbalism seems like *the* PvP profession for non-healers. The Death Knight will take it and if the self-HoT is as good as we hope, the mage might drop enchanting for it too.

The mage/hunter have used Jumper Cables three times now to rez healers and we love them.

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I'm following Krizzlybear's (Frost is the New Black) NaNoWriMo project. Who else should I pay attention to?

Frost Mage Guide: #1 Deciding to be a Frost Mage

2008-10-26T19:30:00.001-07:00

Uncle Sonny is retired, but he's got a lifetime of Frost Mage experience to pass on to you young gnomelings. Come, sit with him by the fire and he'll teach you to put it out.

Ah, hallo there! You say you want to know what I know, do you? I'll warn you, once I get started it's tough to get me stopped, so before we go any further, let's make sure you've got a hankerin' for the frost. There's ten careers you can choose from, and we're going to examine each one.

Warrior - We're covering Warriors first because if you've already stopped paying attention, you need to buy a sword and do some push-ups. Even if you forget everything else you've ever been taught, remember to bathe.

Warlock - If you're paralyzed below the neck you should probably become a Warlock, because they can just roll their face around and still be ridiculously powerful.

Shaman - Are you loved by all but understood by few? Step into your natural role. If you come back to visit Uncle Sonny, expect him to ask you some really ignorant questions.

Rogue - Love Counterstrike? Enjoy staying stealthed while your pocket healer gets tag-teamed? Want to kill people in the most obnoxious ways possible? Step right up.

If Uncle Sonny seems a little negative on the other classes, it's because he really, really thinks you would make a good Frost Mage. You look like you've got the right stuff, kid.

Priest - Want to feel needed? Want to be so in demand that you can do whatever you want? Want to be totally OP in a way that doesn't draw attention? Go ahead, I won't hold it against you.

Paladin - Nerd alert! Warriors of the Light lawful goody goody nerds! Copy their homework and trust them with important things, but never take up the mantle of nerdery for yourself.

Mage - Q: Pew pew? A: Pew pew pew, pew. Like big numbers? Don't mind dying? Don't mind dying a lot? Got a knack for QQ? Want to send people to Theramore when they thought they were going to Shattrath? You'll fit in well here. Are you completely and utterly awesome in ways other people can't begin to understand? I forgot to tell you, but that's a requirement.

Hunter - Blizzard needed to make the game playable for Chinese gold farmers and retards because that demographic has a lot of disposable income, so they invented Hunters. They're really good at killing mages, but don't let that get you down. Stuff we can kill, like Warriors and Rogues, are in turn good at killing hunters. Also, we can read.

Druid - Druids are magic bears that the earth mother taught how to shift into trees, chickens, elves, and cows. This is how they talk: "Mid-fight I was doing great damage in cat form but getting too much threat. Instead of Cowering I shifted to caster form and cast Lifebloom on the rogue to give him heal threat and slow down his damage so I could catch up. Then I alt-tabbed over to Babelfish so I could /tell the hunter, "记住误导!" (Remember to Misdirect!"). Of course by the time I did, he hadn't and instead Feigned Death, sending Big Bad Boss Man to the healer. I quickly battle-rezzed the healer, and shifted to Bear form, assuming the position of our now dead tank, and finished the fight. Oh, and I did great damage while I was in bear form too." Did that sound awesome? It probably is. The bad news? The earth mother never taught them how to be gnomes. Sorry.

Death Knight - I've never met one, but I've heard good things. They're frost-capable, but put them out of your mind until you've grown all the way up to four feet tall.

Once you've mulled it over, come back next week if you're ready to get into the nitty-gritty of frosting.

Opinion: A Great Forum Is...

2008-10-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Highlander is right about things. He shares them with you in the opinion column.

As I venture into the world of dual-boxing, I can't help but be extremely disappointed by the dual-boxing forums. They seem to be overrun by script kiddies looking for a magic faceroll setup¹ being politely rebuked by four moderators who are too sweet to break their hearts. This shouldn't surpise me. After all, the official forums are a disaster, and the rest of the internet isn't usually much better.²

I can't blame the moderators of dual-boxing.com, because I have a unique idea of what a forum is for. Technically, a forum allows lots of people to say stuff about things, like a magic marker and a bathroom stall.³ The WoW and DB forums serve this purpose marvelously, but a forum can be so much more...

A Great Forum is a Content Garden

The geeky thing to call a great forum is a self-populating resource. A friendly metaphor for that is content garden. If you water your forum every day, and chase away the bunnies and bugs, you'll eventually grow a beautiful crop of useful information. But if you don't care for your garden, it will become overrun with the weeds of poor grammar, irrelevance, and trolls.

"But Highlander," you plead, "How do I care for my garden? I am stuck on the wrong side of this metaphor!" Well, if you spend time at successful forums, like Elitist Jerks or ATT (non-WoW), you'll notice some unique similarities.⁵

A Great Forum is Moderated

If you let everyone talk, someone is going to say stupid shit. Shit is for bathroom stalls. Make rules to identify the "shit" so you're not arbitrarily swinging your Hammer of +1 Moderation.

Rule #1: You will read the FAQ before you post.
Rule #2: Thread titles must indicate a post's content.
Rule #3: Open-ended requests will not be tolerated.
Rule #4: Respect your readers by bothering to write properly.
Rule #5: Grown-ups use the whole word. Every acronym can have multiple meanings, none of which should be assumed knowledge.
Rule #6: X, Y, Z, all words derived from them, derived from combining them, from misspelling them, and from misspelling them while combining them are not allowed.

It is easy and helpful to say, "This post breaks forum rules #1, 2, and 4. It is locked and scheduled for deletion in one day if not corrected." It is still easy, but less helpful, to say, "It's unlikely this sort of post will draw useful response." Make your rules, and sticky them.⁶

When it's clear to posters that they're being moderated, there will be significantly less noise that needs moderation.

A Great Forum has Great FAQs

The DB forums strongly urge new 'boxers to read an FAQ that is focused largely on why dual-boxing is legal. I don't know about you, but I left my "Skateboarding is not a crime" t-shirt back in the fourth grade. Give me some content. It is perfectly fine for FAQs to be massive, if they are massive with relevance.

"This has been answered in the FAQ. This thread is locked and scheduled for deletion," is a great way to call someone a retard implicitly. This is good, because a moderator really shouldn't call anyone a retard explicitly.

An FAQ is also a place to define what questions won't be acknowledged.

Q: How should I spec my guys? What hardware should I use?
A: These questions don't have a single correct answer. You will have to think for yourself.
Q: I want to know more about X.
A: You should read more about X.

A really great FAQ contributes to the next quality...

A Great Forum has More Lurkers than Posters⁷

How many of you have posted at Elitist Jerks? How many of you have read Elitist Jerks?

I have no questions for the Elitist Jerks that aren't answered within the first few posts of a relevant and easy to find thread. Questions I don't have are answered with mind-numbing minutiae after the stuff I care about. That is a lovely content garden.

Note that my terrible fear of actually posting at EJ is not what keeps me from posting at EJ. I simply have nothing to post because all of the easy questions have been answered, and they've been answered in a place I can find right away.

A Great Forum Does the Little Things Right

Remember the Age of Conan bug that gave female characters slower attack speed. Sorry, AoC, your content is irrelevant now because you didn't make a real game.

Similarly, the WoW forums don't work from my cell phone, and the DB forums don't work, period. A post at the DB forums is likely to end up at any place within any existing thread. Sorry, DB, your content is irrelevant because you don't use a real forum.

Cheap, light web hosting has become facerollingly simple these days, and you really have to go out of your way to not one-click install perfectly functional, powerful open source forum software. The internet used to be little more than a bulletin board, and there's no excuse for having crappy software 29 years later. Of course, the DB founders do work at Microsoft...⁸

I want to stay logged in forever, so stop swallowing my cookie. And I don't want to re-register to edit the wiki when I already registered once to use the forums.

Now I'm sad because I've written the entire post and not made an A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum reference.

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1) Blizzard already made one. It's called a warlock and you don't need five of them.

2) In fact, I was originally drawn into this WoW blogging community because it's a superior resource for helpful content. The people are cool too, I suppose, but I mostly like them because they're smart. John Patricelli could kick a puppy and I'd still read B^3.

3) That is so Web 1.0.⁴

4) Footnotes much? I am the next David Foster Wallace. Or maybe I just love the <sup> tag.

5) I've heard good things about Subcreation, Plus Heal, and Tank Spot, but I can't vouch for them personally.

6) Be aware that rules regarding talking about Fight Club have been cliche for a number of years.

7) I really wish forum software wouldn't reward people with stars for making multiple posts. Where is the "threads-browsed" statistic?

8) Ahm troll!

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Aside: I tried to buy the domain name Wonzy.com and Wonzai.com, but they've both already been taken )-: Hopefully I can buy one of them cheaply.

/crossfingers

Wonzy: This is a Blog-Jack

2008-10-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

The Highlander is a raging buffoon and cannot be trusted to write his own blog. In a fit of priestly benevolence, I'm posting something.

He's busy, he says. He's learning duel-boxing, he says.

I thought I was special. I thought I was the one. I told the Highlander I'd only tolerate this if he brings me a slave from one of the lesser races. My mage friend Wonz is training an orcish huntard to a level where I can tolerate his presence, after which I suppose I'll have to drag his illiterate self around and share half my loot.

Until then I'll play the Auction House, doing my darnedest to finance this ridiculous army. While no one was watching I bought a Glyph of Levitate!

Anyways, please be patient with the Highlander and his blogging. Right now it's Noob City: Population Sonny.

Humble Pie, and Some Lists

2008-10-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Startin' A Ruckus¹ caught a major flaw in my last attempt at a gear guide. Out of Mana posted "guess this toon" and revealed she has about 300 days /played across 5 toons. There are only about 30 days /played across my entire account. Megs has /played longer than I have /ownedthegame!

What then, qualifies me to write a guideblog, I ask myself in moments of doubt. Nothing less than my voice of absolute authority, which I will maintain! For now though, we will have a moment of humility, and I will ask the veterans...

Does Warcraft ever get less awesome? I'm blogging on my cell phone because I can't use my precious time-at-computer for anything but the game!². I've told my roommate to expect me to play WoW for a month straight when my 70 hours per week job IRL is finished. I'm going to make some lists and then you can talk.

Wrath Goals/Plans

These are not necessarily in order.

-level Wonzy (priest) old school, be ready for Arena Season 5 first week
-Wonzy earns Conqueror title!
-Wonzy earns Battlemaster title???
-dual box Team Rawrlawls (Zhivi the hunter and Bonzy the druid) to level 60
-level Wonz (mage) to 30 and gift him to 60
-Wonz forms Team Wonzai with Wonzi the death knight
-don't quit blogging
-become a skilled enough dual-boxer to compete in arenas
-start a PvP/prank guild

I wonder how much of this I'll accomplish before I get distracted by a butterfly and scurry off to do something else. I just daydreamed (daydreamt?) About 4 years of content for myself.

The Best Unexpected Part of the Patch

This is a list of one.

The game tracks my Auction House income. Win win win! Now if it could track how much comes from fishing (-:

Stuff They're Leaving Out

-gnomes can be druids
-druids can Shapeshift: Gnome
-fishing animation for bear form druids
-heavy-handed moderators on the official forums
-bigger friends lists
-bigger ignore lists
-a player reputation system like eBay uses
-named Water Elementals
-an 'Alliances' tab on the social pane for inter-guild groups

Cmon I pay $15$ a mMONTH EVRY %{÷¤ing MONTh n I cant name mye Sqwirtle? Thnx BLiz im gon play WAR!!1!³

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1) There will be no links because I'm blogging from a phone. The Highlander is lo-fi and punk rock like that. There's also no trackbacks. Making me stealth like that. I wonder how many people would notice if I said the Matticus site has a terrible signal:noise ratio...

2) I still haven't suggested a PvP belt for Gnomeageddon either! Hopefully he's thinking about India and didn't notice and won't be mad.

3) I had to go back and re-misspell words that my computer auto-fixed for me. Apparently it takes a lot of effort to be illiterate.

Guide: Say the Thing, then How to Do It

2008-10-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

In the heart and soul of his guideblog, the Highlander teaches you, the durn fool noob, how to ~~PvP.~~ introduce your friends to Warcraft.

A tale of joy and guilt is told at /hug (best WoW blog name ever), where a happy real life couple finds virtual fellowship via server transfer. Their toons commune happily, skipping through dandelions and together slaying numerous scary un-goods. But woe! for like the fox and the hound dog, as these toons grow they will be forced apart by destiny. One, a raider; the other, a casual party animal.

In a similar situation, I just introduced a cousin to the World of Warcraft. I started a toon with him and quested to level 8, but after a food break I went back to Wonzy while he continued his warrior. And that was a happy way to play for us: same room, same game, different servers. It allowed me to be a fountain of knowledge without acting obnoxiously impatient.

When you've got 20+ days /played and the guy sitting next to you is mouse-clicking Heroic Strike, you too will become obnoxiously impatient.

Slow it Down, Captain

Remember when your dad tried to teach you golf and you wanted to smash his face with the seven iron? Well, now the tables have turned. Try not to over-teach. WoW is massive (and multi-player, and online, and role-playing) and it takes some time to absorb.

As an exercise in perspective, try to recall the last time you learned something huge. Sonny was level 64 when I learned how to mouse-swim.^* Until then I was a sit/jump swimmer, but we wiped in Coilfang Reservoir and my ghost couldn't penetrate the water to get back to the Slave Pens. Now clicking on Heroic Strike doesn't seem so bad...

Say the Thing, then How to Do It

There is a world of difference between, "Press P to open your spellbook," and "open your spellbook by pressing P."

QUESTION: How do I use the Charge?
ANSWER: Press P...
RESPONSE: This is not the Charge!!!

QUESTION: How do I use the Charge.
ANSWER: Open your spellbook...
RESPONSE: It will be inside of the spellbook!
ANSWER (cont): ...by pressing P.
RESPONSE: Hey, all of my spells are here!

Let them Do It

Do you know enough to guide someone to an answer, or only enough to find it yourself?

QUESTION: How do I get to Moonbrook?
ANSWER: Where are you now?
RESPONSE: I am in a tower.
WRONG ANSWER: Let me see your screen.
RIGHT ANSWER: There is a minimap on the upper right corner of your screen. What is written above it?

Use Bread Crumbs

Your friend does not have your foundation of knowledge. Try tracing your advice back to something he's familiar with.

QUESTION: How do I use a two-handed sword?
ANSWER: Visit the weapons trainer in Stormwind.
->
...the big city northwest of Goldshire.
->
...The first town you go to after the starting zone.

Now go and tell people the good news of Warcraft! Soon you will have a group of friends role-playing in your basement, just like the good old days, but this time Blizzard is the Dungeon Master.

--

* As a nigh mouse-free computer user, I am forever aggrieved that swimming, looting, and the last boss in Magister's Terrace require mousing. Mouse are for Shatter combos and stealing your insignia.

Horde Reroll: How Important is Your...

2008-09-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Follow the RP-PvP leveling adventures of Wonzy, the dead gnomish frost mage resurrected as a forsaken priest.

A month ago, I rolled Wonzy, an undead priest, to test the waters of a high population RP-PvP server. I had just decided to pursue WoW PvP more aggressively, and my intentions were twofold. First, to level Wonzy to 29 and consider making him my WotLK main. Second, to decide if it was worth transferring Sonny to an RP-PvP server from carebear Staghelm-US.

At level 14, I offered to heal Ragefire Chasm. I had good synergy with the tank, who was maintaining a Constant Stream of Mobs appropriate to my rapidly regenerating mana pool (spirit FTW). A reckless warlock pulled two groups of adds in a row, and I found myself with depleted mana and a low health tank. I felt the opportunity to triumph against this ridiculous pull slipping from my grasp, and instinctively...

I bandaged the tank.

Epic, I know. This kept me outside of the Five Second Rule long enough to charge up two more heals, and there was no wipe. I sensed that I was born for this, and have only logged into Sonny one time since then. The change was more abrupt than even I had expected, and I've since reexamined what's important to me in WoW. Without further ado, how important is your...

...Faction?

The Alliance never meant that much to me. One of my initial noob frustrations was not finding a group for Wailing Caverns, and I read on the official forums (Oh noes!) that Ally had more players and thus was easier to group with. I stayed when I found Sonny but at level 55 I was already pestering my little guild to reroll Horde with me so I could play a healer. This only worsened when we started PvP and I witnessed battleground healers dripping with win. The need to play Horde to roll a healer may seem odd, but I'll explain. How important is your...

...Race?

Gnomes can't be healers. Since I could only ever play a gnome or an undead, I could never heal on the Alliance side. If I'm going to heal, I have to be undead, and a priest at that. Perhaps the "silly" races most match my playstyle. Regardless, even my bankers are gnomes, and I've had to develop a lore-inaccurate origin myth to allow myself to dual-box druids one day. Character race is more important than class to me, but how important is your...

...Class?

I've never had a successful alt, partly because the classes I don't play are of shockingly little interest to me. Sonny became a mage because he couldn't be a priest (atheist) and mages are #2 awesome. Druids rule too, but who doesn't have a druid fetish? (Seriously.) From there, my disinterest begins at tastefully declining to play a shaman, then progresses downward through warriors, hunters, rogues, and paladins until I am vomiting on a warlock.

So far I've laid the foundation for my Wonzy decision, but it still might seem like I left a lot behind by switching toons. How important is your...

...Server?

Sonny was having a great time on PvE-Staghelm. His friends list was full, his little family guild had mad cool peeps, and then his big raiding guild was bringing him on 25-man raids to Mag's and SSC. He always got whispered for the heroic daily, due to his reputation as a damage-leading, hard-sheeping, /hug-spamming lolgnome. He rarely PuGged anymore and even when he did there was always a friend or two involved. Nonetheless, if I didn't fall in love with Wonzy, I would've moved Sonny to a high population RP-PvP server.

My attempts at PvP and RP, for what they're worth, are an important part of the game for me. The RP element of Emerald Dream (Wonzy's server) is subtle but noticeable and the PvP element is in your face. Putting Sonny in that environment would have been worth the inconvenience of rebuilding a friends list. Raiding wasn't for me. My family guild, though fun while it lasted, wasn't for me either. I have enough real life friends I too seldom get to speak with. The World of Warcraft is where I escape into a system that rewards hard work in 30-minute intervals, and where I can nerd out during whatever odd hours I find with the promise that somewhere, someone else wants to pretend to be a gnome with me. My WoW friendships are purely selfish; they are people I try to be around to make my game of pretend more fun.

Furthermore

My family guild did reroll horde, but on Staghelm. They couldn't bear to leave their gold behind and start from scratch. My "PvP obsessed" GL said a PvP server sounded more inconvenient than fun. He also hates Warsong Gulch. This could become a rant but instead I'll just say that when your frustration with a leader outpaces your dedication to not being in charge, then it's time to go.

Also, in the Alliance Auction House on Staghelm, two douchebags consistently post four pages of one-stacks of every enchanting mat, and there are never any Light Feathers. Unacceptable.

There are things I'll miss about being a mage. I'll never slow fall from the Lumber Mill to the Blacksmith again, or tailor another bag. I'll never tell someone who asks for a portal without offering a tip to "L2Spell" (the freeloaders never can). I'll never summon another Water Elemental, or complete Sonny's level 70 checklist, but it's time to move on. I'm excited about my future with Wonzy on Emerald Dream, and have set my first goal: the Conqueror title!

Opinion: With Bad Hardware, Everyone is a Rogue

2008-09-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

The Highlander is right about things. He shares them with you in the opinion column.

To date, I've done most of my Warcrafting on a newish 13" MacBook. The computer is actually fantastic, small, and great for everything I've needed until WoW, where to achieve a decent framerate, the graphic settings are turned all the way down. My game has three races: tauren (big), gnomes (little), and other (mid-size). Things that disappear are rogues, things that run at me are warriors, purple circles are for paladins, and halos are for mages and priests. If I'm dying for no reason, there's probably a hunter 35 yards away, but in which direction? Fleeing enemies disappear *poof* like a gnome running towards the horizon. I have a habit of spamming tab to target enemies before they become visible.

Until last week, that is, when I cast Coffee (Rank 1) on my keyboard. Now my computer is hospitalized until Saturday, but last weekend I journeyed to my parents' house and installed WoW on my mom's hot sauce computer.

I felt like a prisoner is Plato's Allegory of the Cave, seeing sunlight for the first time. I never knew this world existed. WoW is BEAUTIFUL. And did you know...

...casters wear robes and carry a staff?
...spells have unique animations?
...you can stand in the middle of Warsong Gulch and view your entire base to see the enemy flag carrier?
...you can see all the way across Arathi Basin is you have line of sight?
...gnomes really are *that* annoying to get killed by?

There is an entire graphical world providing situational awareness outside of unit IDs! I've been working hard in real life so this weekend I'm buying myself a present.

Guides: 302 Cloth Resilience Without Touching a Battleground

2008-09-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

Edit: This guide is premised on a fallacy; a character can not buy another class's armor from reputation vendors. I leave the guide here, in its incorrect form, as a gesture of humility. That's right, I'm humble!

In the heart and soul of his guideblog, the Highlander teaches you, the durn fool noob, how to PvP.

Would you go to Karazhan without spell hit? Of course not. Resilience is like spell hit for battlegrounds. It helps you die slower. Don't believe me? Try defending the Stables in your Frozen Shadoweave...

A Scenario

Spotting a blood elf mage (Rival Cuteboots) and her tauren warrior companion (Beefchop) approaching the bridge, you summon your Water Elemental and prepare to lay the smack down. Beefchop is in range and you charge up a Polymorph: Turtle but then... GNOMERGOSH, COUNTERSPELLED! You try to Blink behind the barn but find yourself eating a Mortal Strike + Shatter Combo + Waterbolt + Fireblast. Right before the graveyard you notice 2 seconds left on your Counterspell debuff. Congratulations, you just died inefficiently. Rival Cuteboots watches her Squirtle evaporate and laments the wasted cooldown.

"But Highlander," you say, "it's not my fault! I don't have the gear!" It is your fault. Blizz didn't send you to Kara naked, and they're not letting you go to Warsong Gulch wearing Imbued Netherweave. You can always trade T4/T5 tokens for S1/S2 gear, respectively, but even without it an impressive amount of resilience is possible before you step foot into a battleground.

The crux of the trick is to combine set bonuses from the honor reputation battlegear for Mages, Warlocks, and Shadow Priests.¹ Add appropriate gems,² two more PvE resilience acquisitions, and a tailored resilience set, and you become one tough little n00b.

The Gear (and its Resilience)

Reputation Gear
Evoker's Silk Handguards (17) - Sha'tari Quartermaster in Shattrath
Evoker's Silk Trousers (22) - Cenarion Expedition Quartermaster in Zangarmarsh
+35 set bonus

Satin Hood (19) - Thrallmar/Honor Hold Quartermaster in Hellfire Peninsula
+4 socket bonus
Satin Robe (15) - Cenarion Expedition Quartermaster in Zangarmarsh
+16 2xMystic Dawnstone
+4 socket bonus
Evoker's Mantle (17) - Sha'tari Quartermaster in Shattrath
+8 1xMystic Dawnstone
+3 socket bonus
+35 set bonus

Crafted Gear
Unyielding Girdle (20) - crafted with 8xPrimal Mooncloth, 18xPrimal Earth, 1xPrimal Nether
+4 1xSteady Talasite
+8 1xMystic Dawnstone
Unyielding Bracers (12) - crafted with 4xImbued Netherweave, 8xPrimal Earth
+8 1xMystic Dawnstone
+20 set bonus

Vendor Gear
Cloak of Subjugated Power (23) - 60 Badges from G'eras in Shattrath
Seal of the Exorcist (12) - 50 Spirit Shards from Spirit Sage Zran/Gartok in Terokkar Forest

A Scenario, Revisited

Beefchop and Rival Cuteboots just nuked your face off. Noticing you have 100 hit points remaining, you cast Ice Block and type, "/bg Inc 2 ST mage warrior goin2die soon," and start spamming your health stone, hoping to catch some health when Ice Block wears off. You do, cast Arcane Explosion at the flag capping Beefchop, Blink behind the barn, run around it, Ice Lance Beefchop to interrupt another cap, and are killed just in time to see four Alliance riding to help defend the (still-uncapped) flag. You win.

--

1. You can min/max these sets however you like. I chose the highest resilience pieces when accounting for socket bonuses.

2. Sadly, the only +resilience gems appropriate to your red sockets (orange ones) are epic, and cost more than our newbie selves care to spend on an experiment. You could ignore socket bonuses and spam Mystic Dawnstone, but I don't have the heart to make you.

--

Coming soon: 83 Supplemental Resilience from Boss Drops

Opinion: PvP is the Ultimate Casual WoW Experience

2008-09-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

The Highlander is right about things. He shares them with you in the Opinion column.

Is your casual self struggling with the time commitments required by endgame raiding? You could grind old world rep. You could fiddle with an alt, or go get that last cooking recipe. But I have a better idea...

Learn to PvP

PvP is the ultimate casual WoW experience.

A more full explanation requires my unique definition of casual vs hardcore, which happily corresponds with the latest Blog Azeroth shared topic. A hardcore gamer schedules playtime. A casual gamer plays when he or she can. This definition allows Gnomeageddon to play a hardcore, intentional six hours a week on Friday, and a casual gamer (such as myself) to play fifteen "get it while you can" hours a week. (Hello, Saturday morning marathon.)

Life led me to the PvP endgame because I can't tell you on Sunday afternoon where I'll be Sunday night. I downed Gruul, Mag, Hydross, etc, and I respect raiding and raiders, but raiding's greatest challenge is logistical, and it's not one I will overcome. (Therein lies the genius of 10-man progression and easy-mode buffs in WotLK. It's not easier, it's just less BS more pew pew.)

Casual PvP is possible and worthwhile. Let me show you how...

The Convenience

You can log into any battleground ALL BY YOURSELF. 2am and no one in your guild is online? Queue for Eye of the Storm. Your two best mates and you are fed up with your raid guild? Start a 3v3 Arena team. Please note that this convenience doesn't stop you from BGing with 3, 10, 14, or 39 of your friends in a raid if you're able. It's ultimately flexible.

The Challenge

Finding individual success in PvP will require you to examine and relearn every facet of your character. You will be casting Ice Block offensively, creating target-of-target heal macros, testing new gem socket strategies, and more. You will press more buttons than you have ever pressed in your life. On the group level, PvP will test every social muscle in your player body. You will overcome douchebags and loot whores, you will subtly guide your pre-made leader to understand Blacksmith is more important than Gold Mine, and you will learn to ban people from vent.

The Progression

Challenger? Rival? Gladiator? All of these things start alone in Warsong Gulch and end with a group of coordinated friends playing their characters with near-perfect execution, perhaps a few seasons down the road. Kil'Jaeden eat your heart out, it's a Eurocomp.

The Gear

Just like the climb to T6 gear, advancing in PvP makes your character slowly, incrementally godlike. If you've ever seen S4 shoulders and said, "Man, I want those," new is the time to get them (or at least S3).

Why did I trouble myself with this lengthy, perhaps obvious post? Player VS Player is the last thing I thought I'd be doing in WoW. It took 4 guildies to force my mage into Arathi Basin in my mid 60's, but only a day to fall in love with it. It took two weeks of getting OWNED in Arena to fully appreciate the challenge. It took a month of not-actually-raiding to discover PvP is all I really wanted to do. Now, a PvP server reroll and 25 levels later, I'm having the most fun I've ever had in WoW. If I can push other people away from their carebear perspective, they may find something that was already awesome just got a whole lot better.

Hello, world!

2008-09-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

I've established a homestead in the WoW blogosphere.

*plants flag*
*builds log cabin*

Arathi Highlander will consist of PvP ponderings, panderings, tips and mini-guides for WoW mages who are n00b idiots. I've chosen the content because the hot-sauce mage blogging community covers everything else quite thoroughly, because I'd like to blog with a crisp, clear focus, and because AH LUVS ME SOME PvP! I've chosen the demographic because it's all I'm qualified to write for.

I've chosen to blog at all largely because I have been inspired by the awesome other mage blogs.

Shall I make myself more clear?

The mages have the best bloggers, followed by the huntards, with druids a close third. Everyone else suxors except Ratshag.

*throws down cloth gauntlet*

So be expecting a post or two each week.

--

Coming up next:
Instant PvP Gearing for the PvE Mage

In the works:
Massive Buffs We're Ignoring, Parts 1 and 2